First date: that requires underwear, huh?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
