I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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