Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
