I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
