May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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