Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
