you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
