Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
