I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
