Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
