I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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