It's a beautiful day for a hangover
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The beer is more important than you right now.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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