Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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