Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
