there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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