Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
