Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
