my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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