I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
