Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
