So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
