her vagine was all disorganized.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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