Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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