found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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