If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
