WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
