dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Rumble strips road head = magical
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
