He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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