He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
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The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
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Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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