Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
