she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
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I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
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I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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