I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
