I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
