im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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