she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize