You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
