I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
