its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
