i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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