i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
