my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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