Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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