omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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