i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The beer is more important than you right now.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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