Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
