Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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