People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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