Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
