Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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