Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
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I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
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This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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