i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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