please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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