Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
