she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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