I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
