I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
