i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
im six kinds of drunk right now
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.