I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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