what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
