He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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