So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
