Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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