This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
