oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
