Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
