Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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